How to become a Family

Glancing at the calendar, I notice that it is 11 years ago that we had traveled to Ukraine.

It almost seems a lifetime ago, but in reality it was not.   I still have memories of our lives before we adopted a child.  We were together for almost 15 years, before we began a family.  We had met very young and married young, especially in relation to most of our friends and family.  We spent years working different schedules so I spent many hours alone, doing whatever I wanted, without much responsibility except to work, keep up the house and bills, and take care of our dogs.  We traveled extensively, and did not worry about getting a sitter, on a Friday or Saturday night.  Date nights were any and every night we wanted.  No worries or commitments to anyone except the two of us.

Then on a cold, November day, in 2000, in Ternopil Ukraine, we started a family. 

Definitely, not the traditional way, as our delivery date was after a long noisy train ride wearing the same dirty clothes, and after playing cards and drinking a few beers, the night before. 

We met Vitaly a sad, scared, starving baby who weighed 11 pounds and was 15 months old.  We were just as scared of becoming a parent, as he was of becoming a son.  How does one prepare to go from 15 years childless to suddenly a parent? 

The memory that remains most vivid was when we finally were able to leave the orphanage with him permanently.  As we crowded into an old taxi, with our new son in hand, my husband looked at him and me and kissed us both.  A sudden feeling of completion and true love.  The two of us were now a family, of three.   

update to last post

Just an update to my last post about V and his love letter.  Of course, as his mother I do have to be cautious so I asked his teacher if the young lady was in his class, I did NOT say anything about the note.

Which is why I was completely shocked when he says (in a not so happy tone), "Mom why did you ask my teacher about Jillian.  Geez, why did you do that?" 

Lots of things went through my mind like:

Why did the teacher tell him?
I didnt say anything about the note...
Is he embarassed?
Is he in trouble?
Will he ever trust me again..

I did apologize and said it wasn't bad, what I asked I just wanted to make sure you were okay!

He turned to the window and sulked.

I felt kinda stupid then.  Maybe, there is a time that even as the mother of a special needs child, I need to just back off and let it all play out.  Then, again, the world is a cruel place.

Pre-teenisms

I got the first glimpse of Middle School hormone angst today.

A note addressed to Vitaly from a girl.

Alarms went right off.   I am always worried about him being bullied.  He is in the Special Needs classroom so it might be very funny to some pre-teen girls to pick on him.  What an easy way to prank him but to write a note and have him think someone "likes" him.

The note went something (remotely) like this:

To Vitaly
From (name)

Do you think I am beautiful or pretty?
If you are going to be my boyfriend are you going to hold my hand?
I hope you think I am pretty and not fat if you think I am fat then that would make me sad.
Write me.
name

Alarms!!!  Really does my autistic spectrum/PDD/FAE child even understand what it means to "like" someone in such a way?  Sure he knows what a girlfriend is but he doesn't know what a "girlfriend" really means.  Two completely different things to him.

So I had a mini meeting with dad.  He read it.  Seemed a bit concerned.

We asked Vitaly about it and he got very embarassed as he grabbed the note and ran (and then hid the note)

Yes, he said he did write her back and told her, "Football is number one and Go Packers!" I guess that is a twelve year old boy for you. 

Not sure if I am ready for this pre-teen world!

Uh-oh!

Uh-oh!
Oh No!
Crash!
It's broken!
Look what happened!
Stormy! (aka the bad dog)

Don't you just love when you hear those.  Too me it means one thing.  Something will need to be replaced.  Perhaps it is junk (cross fingers) or something valuable (*@%>).  Either way it seems to be a constante lately in our home. 
I think I just about had enough when I was in the bedroom and I heard the sound of breaking glass on floor.  That is never a good one!  Then I heard the sound of little feet up the stairs and "mommy don't be mad at daddy."  Great.  What can that mean?  Must be something I have treasured and bought to enjoy.

Then from the bedroom I hear the sound of glass going into a trashcan.  As I am told, "he didn't mean to break your plate!"

Now it hits me.  Must be one of the plates of a collection of FOUR (not a collection of one but a collection of FOUR) on the kitchen wall that I have enjoyed pre-mommyhood bought for my enjoyment!! MINE!!!!!

Sadly, it is one of the the four.  So now I have THREE.  Doesn't quite look right.  Missing one like missing a tire on a bike.  The sulking begins (but I will stalk EBAY)

Next day...

From the bedroom.

Loudly stated from husband "Stupid Psycho Dog~!"

Uh. Oh.
Can't be good.  We have already seen our living room carpet  that she has decided need her claws to dig at while we are away. 

I go upstairs.  I see a large hole.  I see what is actually under the carpet and foam!  I see alot of it in fact.  I turn to the left, I see carpet remains and bits of foam.
Really?  What was she thinking?  I know what I was thinking.  This is a mess.  We will have to get new carpet but how can we because she is still psycho and still lives with us.

Then I hear, mom- Vitaly is in the paint!  The craziness continues..

Seven Years

No, You can't do it I tell her...

But, Mommy you have to let me....

No, not if I can help, it I say. If I had it my way, you would all stay little....no more birthdays!

Oh, and remember Grandpa said there is no September on the calendar (I remind her).

She said "yes there is- see (pointing to the big day)!"

And just like that, my little girl turned seven.. and there is nothing I can do or say, to stop my little girl from growing into a beautiful young lady. Happy 7th Birthday Oksana.

(And even earned a little girl rite of passage - She got to get her ears pierced!)

Back in Action

Okay so I apologize for the neglect of my blog. Facebook has become a favorite and if anyone wants to friend me feel free just let me know you are a blog reader.

I will definitely be posting some new pictures as soon as I get my husband to download them.

The summer is beginning with a new sitter and a new start for the kids and I hope a regular daily upkeep of the blog.

Things we have learned the past few months:

Vitaly plays soccer a lot better with his glasses on (they always made him take them off) so contacts will be on order for football season!
Nikolai can eat two Frisch's big boys for dinner (he was very happy with this accomplishment-!)
Oksana is a budding artist- which right there says she is not any genetic relation to me- as I cannot draw or paint.
Job change is not always a pleasant experience but if it pays the bills then I will move forward.
Dogs can destroy your carpet in one afternoon at home alone.
A child can go destroy three bikes in three months.
Nikolai is a pretty decent little leaguer!
If you leave the water running in the bathtub and it overflows- it can come through the kitchen ceiling!
New applicances can update a kitchen in one day.
Weeds love my flowerbeds.
Hiking the same trails with my kids, that as a child I breezed through, is a lot harder as an adult.
Many more adventures are ahead....

In Memoriam

My best friend lost her son tragically on March 17th, 2011. It was one of those tragic accidents that are hard to even think about. He was struck and killed by numerous cars on a busy highway.

His name was David Vantrease. He will be forever 22 years old.

I remember the first few times I met David. He was six years old. RaeLynn and I worked together. She was a single mother. We spent so many hours at her house watching him entertain us. One of my favorite memories was when he wanted to be "Major Payne" and got his hair shaved as such. I remember him sneaking out of the house and sneaking back in while his mom was looking for him and him asking me not to tell he left. He was a friend to so many.

He was so adored by his mom and his sister (although she considered him a pesky little brother).

He moved away later in his life to live with his father but we still got to see him during many occassions.

He loved my kids and my kids adored him, especially the boys. His step sister Erin got married in November. David was just a big kid at heart and hung out and danced with Nikolai and Oksana.

His smile was contagious.

We will miss you terribly David and grieve of the years we will spend without your smile walking into a room.

Life with boys...lesson #1

Nice family dinner.

Nik estatic and smiling has something to say...

Guess what I can do now?

Family- What?

Nik- Armpit farts- listen!!! (He proceeds to raise his shirt, and make noise from his armpit)

I guess I have to always encourage so I say- Good job! Oksana joins in- Wow Nik! Vitaly always supportive states- Who cares! Dad- muffled sound maybe in awe of son's accomplishment but cannot decipher.

Nik smiling from ear to ear proceeds to continue in a songlike trance.

He stops and says well I can't do the knee airfart yet like Vitaly.

I guess that means he will be practicing to achieve these feat of greatness.

Another milestone in boyhood achieved!

Hitting Puberty

Puberty
The word itself it just scary/awful/hard to say, etc...
I personally remember sitting in fouth and fifth grade "girls only" gymnasium talk with a film describing the "whole" thing, but in a cartoon form. As if any of us are animated figures. I remember one young lady named V actually lifted her hand and told everyone she had already had the "period!" We all were in awe of her, but then again she also had a bra. Something, I personally begged my mom for although I didnt quite need- just so I had the bra strap under my tshirt.

Now Vitaly is entering the big P! He is eleven. He is wearing a size 11 men's shoe. Larry has borrowed his boots this winter to do some shoveling. He no longer fits in any pants that were purchased pre-fifth grade in the fall. They are considered floods. He has a weird Peter Brady sort of voice that goes from a screechy kid to a deeper sound that is a bit scary.

He has a thing lately for my magazines. He especially is fond of the JCPenney lingerie sections.
He talks about a young lady in his class as "hot". He is growing hair and as Nikolai states not on his head! He also is learning about Oxy Clean pads and deodorant and washing your hair regularly.

We had a stop at the Physician's office the other day. He is in the 95% for height. That is quite tall for an eleven year old, at this rate he will easily surpass 6 feet and this is a kid that missed out with nutrition his first 15 months of his life. He has made up for that now, because he can eat, and eat, and eat. Doesnt matter what good things or bad they are all consumed at an alarming rate that would cause any normal adult to gain weight and go on a diet. Not with him. He has almost zero body fat.

The one thing I cannot imagine is my baby with a mustache and a beard! Really? He will soon have to shave!!!

Oh the joys of puberty.

The Bachelor

Oksana was sleeping in the bed with me last night as I flipped through the TV stations. I stopped at "the Bachelor", which is a bad train wreck, but you just have to stop. The girls were all greeting the guy dolled up in formal wear, when I hear, mommy did you see that blue dress! I look over and she is awake and watching the TV. Then she commented as each girl got out of the limo and started to ask lots of questions:

"Is he a Prince?"
"Are they going to get married?"
"Why do they all keep thanking him?"

I sort of explained the premise and told her to go back to sleep, but she was like I want to see it and she was so excited!

I thought this episode is probably pretty tame, so why not.

When he gave the rose to the first girl, she turned to me and said, "So daddy gave you a rose too and that is how you got married?"

Well, not exactly, I told her.

Then as he gave all the roses out she said, "He is going to marry a lot of girls! He will need lots of money!"